you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
