brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
