I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
