theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
