I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
