Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
