You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
