He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
