I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
