can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
