You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
