My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
