I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize