He is an equal opportunity slut.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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