shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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