Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
