I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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