Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize