On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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