It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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