Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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