C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
