I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
