i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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