The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
