Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
