I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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