There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
