so explain again why im purple
no
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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