They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
