Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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