Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
