I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
