he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
