Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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