How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
