I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
