she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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