I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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