You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
there is puke in my bra ... again
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
