Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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