So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
