Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize