Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
