i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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