ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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