I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
