you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
