I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
