It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
