Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
And then he peed in my hair
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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