So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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