i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
