I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
