At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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