Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
