Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
