my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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