dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
