Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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