did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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