Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
