I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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