this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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