I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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