Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
