You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
