I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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