I wanna passion pit in your ass
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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