i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
