Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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